ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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