she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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