Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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