one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
