Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
