Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
