Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
