can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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