Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
