Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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