I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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