There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
