I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
