i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize