So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
