Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
