she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
