Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
