What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
