What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
