no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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