Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
