Got a toothbrush?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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