Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
