So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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