I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize