Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just pee around me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
