He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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