i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
