Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
