its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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