FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
