Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
