Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
