shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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