turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
