she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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