i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
