Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
