Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
