no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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