if i can run in heels then i can drive
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
