do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best friends brother. Beat that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
