I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
