We're facebook friends in real life
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
