he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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