i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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