Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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