UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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