i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
