The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
