i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
