so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
