i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
