Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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