So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize