he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
