do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
