I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
