let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
