he shaved USA in his pubs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize