don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize