I molested 6 butterflies tonight
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
