This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
