I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
